Thoughts currently living in my head rent-free -

“I’m not a good enough partner in my marriage.”

“My brother-in-law doesn’t like me.”

“I’ve made decisions so dumb that I don’t even know they were dumb.”

Cringe moments from long ago hit me out of nowhere, and I turn into a puddle of shame, panic, even anger. Some things were my fault. Some were just embarrassing. But all of them are tenants living in my brain rent-free. I cannot evict them. So I’ve decided to force them to pay! A prayer token.

Every time I’m snagged by “I’m not a good enough Mom.” I now hold out my hand for rent: a prayer token for my anxious heart. Whether it’s my conscience bringing actual wrong-doing to mind or the immediate belief that I’m a worthless pile of goo because I one time kept talking loudly after the song ended, that thought has to pay rent: a prayer like a coin, drops into my palm every time these thoughts pop up. A shiny coin - cool, solid, satisfying to hold.

This is so practical, it’s ridiculous. Here’s how it works:

Intrusive thought: “I’m a faker.”

Me: “Rent, please!!”

Clink

Me: “Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me.”

Intrusive thought: “No one cares.”

Me: “Rent, please!”

Clink

Me: “Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.”

This metaphor is really helping me right now, but it’s actually a really old practice (“spiritual discipline”, if you like). King David did it; Martin Luther did it, so I do it too.

David’s fears and guilt tormented him, so he wrote them down as song lyrics. The thought butted in; David saw it, and halfway through the song he usually says “Rent, please!” That’s the turn in the psalm where David says out loud to God “But! You are my shelter! You have been faithful! You’re the power in the Universe that nothing can shake!” His intrusive thought pays him a cool, shiny, satisfying prayer token. And David turns his attention to Jesus in a prayer. Period.

Martin Luther said bluntly to thank Satan for reminding you of your sins and failures because you can turn around and say, “Oh, yeah! Thanks! I’d forgotten that’s another sin that Jesus died to erase!”

Intrusive thought: “You’re a prideful windbag.”

Luther: “Rent, please!”

Clink

Luther: “Though my sins are as scarlet, they shall be white as snow.”

I tell you what: I’m making a killing off these intrusive thoughts, anxieties, even pokes of conscience. They don’t get to live rent-free while I pay the price of exhaustion, anxiety, shame, fear, panic and even anger. When they butt in, I demand payment.

This practice might not evict the bad feels, but I like being the landlord of my own brain. I can thank the intrusive tenant for its “payment” and turn my attention to Jesus a thousand little times a day. Try it! Check out the Provisions for the Road section below for a handy list of prayers to blurt out when intrusive thoughts pay their rent.

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