“This will be a place of ministry. This is home.” I heard the Holy Spirit whisper one sunny afternoon as I stepped into a new home which my husband and I would eventually call our own.

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My husband and I were house hunting, and for some reason, it felt like a “Say yes to the dress!” moment.  It felt like a dream! My dream house was coming to light! Soon I would gather friends and family around the table. There would be plenty of room to cook in the kitchen, and we would be able to serve and welcome many who needed a place to stay!

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But here’s what my husband and I didn’t know: over the next 6 years, we would experience some of the most demanding, challenging, and grueling times engaging in such “ministry,” especially when it came to serving those we love the most. Soon we were having fight after fight. We started getting defensive  with each other and with those we were hosting. We harbored bitter attitudes towards the people we loved the most. 

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In short, we discovered we had limits; that we needed healthy boundaries. Our lack of attention to our own needs hurt our relationship with each other and others. We needed to hold space in our own home for us, so we could healthily hold space for others as God called us to do. 

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And if you’re like me, you feel a lot of shame when this reality hits. After all, I want to give the best, and I feel pressured to give even beyond my capacities to others! Isn’t that what God wants? 

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Here’s the point: God calls me to love others “as myself” (Matt. 22:39). But I’m not called to serve without healthy boundaries. Boundaries are healthy parameters that limit other people's access to my space, time, or emotions. They acknowledge what I am willing and able to do. They help me be responsible for what God has actually called me to do. They are a gift to me, and my guests! Because my needs are as worthy of being met as my guests. 

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For example, I love having people stay in my house, but I don’t want to feel required to cook for them. I have realized over the years that often, when I start to feel required to do things for others out of obligation, this takes the joy out of things, causes me to be less present, and causes me to play a “role” rather than provide sincere love to others. So I have set a personal boundary that people are welcome to stay, but they need to provide their own food. That doesn’t make me a bad host! That makes me a good host. Because when I feel free to accept my own limits, I’m free to be more present, less anxious, and provide a more genuine connection to others.

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In other words, God knows I have needs and limitations, and He says that’s okay! He never called me to be a host without boundaries. But what He did call me to do is serve in a way that reflects His heart. And if setting up boundaries is what I need, then so it shall be. I get to prioritize my needs because He says my needs are worthy. So, as I walk into a new season of hosting, I can rest knowing that He cares about not just calling me into service – but my needs as well.

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