What does it feel like to believe?
What does it feel like to receive a compliment? If you are willing, pause for a moment and recall the feeling. What does your body feel like when you accept the truth of a compliment? I feel a warmth settling in the base of my spine, like I can stand up straighter with less effort. The ground beneath me feels flatter, the world more spacious. I can move more freely through my environment.
What does it feel like to accept that you are loved? Notice I didn’t ask “what does it feel like to believe that you are loved?” I have no trouble thinking that God loves me, I know how to do that because I do it all the time. The real question for me has always been “how do I really believe that God loves me?” In other words, I’m asking, “how do I feel like God loves me?”
I cannot manufacture a real feeling. But I can refuse one. I can hear my wife say she loves me and refuse to let the truth of that love affect me. I can cut off–or at least ignore–the warmth that spreads in my chest when I receive her love. I can refuse to take a deep breath into the expansive feeling of being secure and enjoyed.
So I am learning to stop asking, “How do I (manufacture) the feeling that God loves me?” And to instead notice and allow the physical feelings of being loved to grow and take root in my soul.