We’ve been exploring the pain of broken relationships here and on our podcast for the past few weeks. When someone I love won’t talk to me, or a friend avoids me, it hurts. Especially when they won’t tell me why!

I’m usually a bit obsessive about it. What are they thinking about me? I feel like I’m a defendant in a courtroom. I run scenarios in my head, rehearsing exactly what I’ll say if I can get them to listen. Sometimes I can’t sleep, lying awake guessing at their accusations, planning my counter arguments, rehearsing my story, marshaling  my evidence.

The problem is that I’m in the wrong courtroom. Obsessing over family’s or friends' verdict hands them the gavel, and gives them authority over my identity.  

But there’s already been a trial.

I’ve already been judged in God’s courtroom, and my identity, my status as God’s beloved son has already been secured. Jesus has made sure of that!

“Therefore,” says Saint Paul, “as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience… and let the peace of Christ, to which you were also called in one body, rule your hearts. And be thankful (Col 3:12; 15).

Do you see the great reversal? It’s because God has forgiven and adopted me that I can wear (“put on”) compassion and kindness like a royal robe. It’s because Jesus has already decided that my value to him is infinite, that I am free from searching for it in other people’s opinions — and therefore free to forgive them for icing me out or judging me unfairly.

Christ’s peace can “rule” — literally: act as an umpire over — my heart. Christ declares me “safe.” Christ declares me “beloved.” Christ declares me “free and clean.” And his word makes it true. His verdict is final, not theirs.

What if you could sink into your true identity in Christ instead of scrambling for your friends’ or family’s approval? How might this change your relationship with them?

What is one practical way you can listen to Jesus’ verdict over your identity this week?

Here’s a simple suggestion. Pay attention to your thoughts this week. When you catch yourself in the wrong courtroom, pause and say out loud to yourself: "Jesus has already given his verdict. I am chosen and beloved.