Rachel Wadlow is a painter and poet whose work lives at the intersection of worshiping in Spirit and Truth. Through intuitive paintings and reflective verse, she opens windows into the inner landscape of the mind. You can explore her work on Substack, Instagram, and Etsy.  

I recently realized something profound: I didn't grow up with an imagination.

Growing up, I was a happy but restless child. I just couldn't sit still. I loved running, playing, and creating. But something was missing. For my whole life - until recently - when I closed my eyes and tried to imagine or dream a different world, it would be black. And blank. It was impossible for me.

This is important to note because when you're an artist, people assume you have an active imagination. That couldn't be less true for me.

Until recently.

The Documentary That Started It

Last week, my husband and I sat down to relax and watched the Mr. Rogers documentary. We were so touched - we ended up crying by the end of it!

In the beginning, there's an interview with Fred Rogers about how, as a child, he was ill quite often and had to spend long stretches quarantined in his bed. It was there that he began to imagine a different world around him. Out of that, the town of Make Believe emerged.

I was instantly enthralled, because my own story is similar. I wasn't a child, but last year I spent time in the hospital due to my mental health. During that season - and before and after - I suffered from night terrors, insomnia, and exhaustion to the point of being quite isolated in my bed (talk about quarantined).

It was during that time that the Lord began teaching me about imagination. I was often too exhausted to pray in words to Him, and I think He allowed that to happen in order to open up this beautiful window for me. I would lay in bed in intense mental/emotional pain, and instead of praying a verse or trying to approach God through words, I would imagine Him. Sitting there, playing me guitar. From there, a world started to open up.

Symbols Instead of Words

Out of that time, many traumatic events and complex emotions surfaced. I wasn't capable of processing these things with words or conversation. So instead, I used symbols and pictures in my mind.

If I had a particularly terrible night, I would imagine a DVD recording of that night coming out of an imaginary slot in my forehead - smoke rising off it, from the heat of the pain. I would turn to Jesus, and a similar slot would open up in His chest. And I would insert the DVD into His chest.

I wasn't capable of saying, "Lord, there are too many terrible memories You haven't dealt with - and I'm traumatized by them, and so angry with You for not healing me yet. I need to take this new painful memory and put it somewhere for safe keeping. Please save it for me, and let me know You have a record of my pain and You do care."

So instead, I made a symbol in my imagination and put a DVD in Jesus' chest.

You have taken account of my miseries; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?
— Psalm 56:8

The Blue Flower

Throughout this time, my hopes for healing and restoration have been raised up and crushed down hundreds of times. Even in the hospital, when I could barely think or speak, I knew there was something about hope that was important. I started to draw the word HOPE over and over during my stay.

The idea of hope, especially deferred hope, is complex and painful. So instead of trying to process a complex idea in the middle of the pain, I pictured a symbol for my hope: a blue flower. (The symbol comes from a song by the Gray Havens, about the ache for something more - [listen here].)

One day, I closed my eyes and pictured myself holding a blue flower. I tried to slow down and focus on the details — a beautiful, rich blue, a clean thornless stem, petals twirling in the sun. Sometimes I would tuck the flower behind my ear, as if to say: my head is so wounded... but I do have hope nearby.

Other times, when my hopes got crushed again, I would angrily tear the flower up and trample it to pieces. Other times, I would bring a wilted blue flower to Jesus and ask Him to revive it. Revive my hope.

Before this season, I had listened to a sermon from Bridgetown Church about imaginative prayer. I tried it - and it failed miserably. I could barely picture one scene without anxiety interfering. I gave up after a few tries.

But the Lord brought me back to it in the middle of the valley of the shadow of death. I was forced to build a world of imaginative prayer with Him, because I was simply out of options. Out of words. Out of energy to open my Bible. Out of laments. Out of my depths.

"Isn't This Childish?"

If you're thinking: Fred Rogers and flowers? Seems childish. Almost belittling the pain - I feel this sometimes too.

A couple of perspectives that help me:

• Jesus says you cannot enter the Kingdom of God unless you're like a child (Matthew 18:3)
• Einstein said, "Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."

The more I imagine, the more meaning things start to have. I am not a sentimental person. I'll gladly throw out birthday cards, trinkets, hand-me-downs. I don't like clutter. But since developing an imagination, I have a newfound fondness for things I'd otherwise overlook. Now, if I see a painting of a blue flower, my heart skips a beat - because I've built a world around it in my mind, full of meaning and purpose.

Art itself becomes so much more meaningful when we have an active imagination. Why were the Narnia books so powerful for us? I think C.S. Lewis drew upon a world we long to create and see for ourselves. And the good news is, with practice, each of us can too.

If you take one thing from this post, let it be this: anyone can (and should) use their imagination. The world I've built with the Lord was made brick by brick, not all at once. What started as a DVD turned into a whole beautiful exchange with Jesus over many, many nights. Don't give up. It's a muscle.

One Way to Start: Music + Rhythm

Because our minds are so active, with many thoughts interrupting us at any given moment, I've found it helpful to "imagine to the beat."

I'll put on a song, and instead of forcing myself to imagine what I want, I let the lyrics and rhythm lead me. To give my mind structure, I imagine the images from the lyrics to the literal beat of the song.

Try it right now. Here's a good song: "A Rising Fire" by Young Oceans - one of my go-to’s. Read the lyrics to yourself, and imagine the italicized moments:

I see the flowers of the field (imagine a field of flowers) though they neither toil nor spin (imagine little flowers sprouting up and spinning as if dancing) effortlessly clothed in splendor (imagine a ray of sunlight wrapping around one flower like a cloak) ever glorious for the King (imagine Jesus in the field, picking a flower, sniffing it, and smiling).

To the best of your ability, imagine each moment to the beat of the music. Let the flowers twirl to the drum beats. Let Jesus pick up a flower during a crescendo moment.

This technique has been the single most effective use of my time when I need a mental break or am feeling the pain. I truly encourage you to try it out. (It's not just for artists.)

With love,
Rachel

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P.S. For further study, check out this interview with poet Malcolm Guite:

"I think both at the Reformation and the Enlightenment, people only saw the misuses and delusions that had come from exercising the imagination, so they said, 'Let's just ditch the imagination altogether. We can find out everything about everything just by analyzing it scientifically.' You're missing real things if you don't bring the imagination into play."

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Provisions for the Road

The Gift of Stolen Time

Jesus steps into our chaos to hold back the noise and give us a second to breathe.

Our Prayer Retreat in Your Pocket is a tool to help you see and receive those moments.

Explore 30+ prayers and practices organized by how much time you’ve been gifted:

• 1 minute in the pickup line,
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Try breath prayers, imaginative scripture reading, and simple ways to be with Jesus when you suddenly realize he’s given you the gift of time.

Enjoy 5 stolen minutes with Jesus today!

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Food for Thought

Things the team found interesting this week, no endorsement implied.

How Jesus Makes The Universe Feel Like A Safe Place To Live.

By The Signpost Inn Podcast

The world is genuinely dangerous and your nervous system knows it! The usual answers (trust God more, don't be anxious, just believe) don't seem to help, they only make you feel more ashamed that you must not be “doing it right!”

So what does Jesus actually do with our generalized anxiety and fear? Our latest podcast tackles this big issue.

Listen now...

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How to be confessional without being a jerk.

By Jordan B. Cooper on YouTube

This one’s for my Lutheran friends. In this second of two Lectures, Jordan Cooper overviews the history of American Lutheranism and discusses 3 distinct ways to be confessionally Lutheran and still value unity with others. It’s a bit long, but the last thirty minutes are a powerful payoff. He  gives concrete examples of people who remained committed to the Lutheran Confessions while also being gracious about working closely with Christians from other traditions.

Watch now...

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Psychotherapy's Hidden Secrets

By Stephen A. Diamond Ph.D. at Psychology Today.

This article argues that Psychotherapy is a form of spiritual care that transcends the “dubious trends in recent decades toward a more superficial neurobiological, pharmacological, and cognitive-behavioral approach to the understanding and treatment of psychiatric disorders.” And that Psychotherapy can and should offer “real psychological, philosophical, and spiritual guidance.”

Agree or disagree? (Hit reply and let me know!) Either way, this article illustrates that even the secular world is starting to take seriously our intense spiritual longings for meaning and purpose in a broken and suffering world.

Read more..

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