I feel uniquely unqualified to be at church

I take my place in my pew on Sunday and try not to think that everyone else belongs here more than I do.

My husband and I fought last night. My anxiety about finances models distrust of God in front of my kids. And to be honest, I didn’t really want to get out of bed this morning. I imagine everyone around me is doing better. They deserve to be here. I’m uniquely unqualified.

Want to know something funny about humans? Most of us feel this way at church. But just because you feel like you don’t belong, doesn’t mean you don’t belong. Which begs the question:

Who belongs in church?

In “On Penitence" John Chrysostom (a late 4th century Christian) said of church,

Here is a hospital, not a courtroom; not the demand for punishment of sins, but there is the forgiveness of sins. Only speak to God of your sin. “Against you only have I sinned and done this evil before you,” and you are forgiven of your sin.

I love the idea that church is a hospital. I’m not sitting in a pew; I’m lying in a bed among other patients lying in their hospital beds, being treated by God because they can not treat themselves.

The loving holy Trinity is the only fully qualified Physician. In my church, our pastor speaks the words of absolution (forgiveness), and I trust that God is really forgiving me (again) right then! I kneel and receive Jesus at communion, and I trust that he wants to be with me, even in me, to heal what I can never heal.

I have sins, really ugly sins, to bring into church. I bring hypocrisy, self-righteousness, false humility, judgement of others, distrust of God’s love, selfishness, gross desires, anger, unforgiveness, and a million other sins into church. Do you? Good! We’re in the right place.

But I’ve tried church, and it doesn’t work!

Two things:

First, if you’re hearing God’s words of forgiveness, his promise of peace for you because of his love and sacrifice on your behalf, it is “working.” Through those words, Jesus is doing his good work in you. You might not see the “effect” you want for a long time. But keep coming in for treatment!

Second, if your church doesn’t read the Word and offer God’s full and free forgiveness of sins, it’s time to find a church that does. A hospital with no medicine is no hospital. If the Great Physician is not practicing there, run.

But every church has something wrong with it!

Yes, that’s true. But if you’re receiving the forgiveness of sins and hearing God’s word, it is a valid hospital. Maybe think of it as a field hospital in a war zone. Or a missionary outpost in the jungle. You’re not there to be fulfilled; you’re there to stay alive.

But I can read my Bible and know all by myself that I’m forgiven!

Humbly I ask you, where in scripture did you hear that? Jesus told us to gather for the good of each other as well as our own sin treatment. We forget the Gospel as soon as we hear it. We need to gather around his word and gifts to take our medicine and encourage each other to turn our attention to Jesus on the cross, as the Israelites in the desert turned their attention to the bronze snake on the pole. And, all together, they were healed.

Jesus is the only Healer we have. Let’s get ourselves to church, his hospital, and trust his diagnosis: sin-sickness, and his remedy: his blood-won grace. We are right where we belong, receiving his word and his gifts alongside every other patient.

Provisions for the Road

A Pathway Out of Spiritual Trauma

LIVE WEBINAR

Saturday, October 24
Time: 9 AM Pacific | 10 AM Mountain | 11 AM Central | 12 PM Eastern
Cost: $25 (or Pay What You Want)

Spiritual trauma can leave you feeling lost, exhausted, and confused about where to turn. If religious spaces or leaders have hurt you, or you work with those who have been hurt, finding a way forward can feel impossible. You don’t have to figure it out alone.

Join us for a live, gentle 90-minute webinar designed to help you process church hurt and discover a hope-filled path toward healing. You’ll learn from Heidi Goehmann, LCSW, a trauma therapist, theologian, and spiritual-care practitioner.

Who Should Attend?

Individuals Healing from Church Hurt: Anyone who has felt betrayed, burned out, devalued, or confused by religious teachings, spiritual leaders, or experiences in a faith community.
Caregivers & Practitioners: Therapists, spiritual directors, pastors, and ministry leaders who want better frameworks to support clients and loved ones dealing with spiritual trauma.

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Food for Thought

This week we’re featuring resources from amazing friends of Signpost Inn who we’ll be featuring on upcoming podcast episodes and webinars! Get a taste of what’s coming up in the Signpost Inn content stream soon!

And be sure you subscribe to our podcast and encourage your friends to sign up to receive future emails like this!

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Giving Up On Growth: Rest in a Restless World — John Newton

Podcast by Rev. John Newton on Talkingbird.

-> John will be a guest on a podcast episode this fall! <-

In this talk Rev. Newton gently challenges our inner zealot, that restless part of us that constantly feels inadequate and believes we must work harder to achieve spiritual maturity. That part of us that is constantly looking for some method or rule of life that we think will get us to that spiritual destination that we imagine will make us happy or holy.

John gently and winsomely pokes a little hole in that part of us that thinks that we are not enough right now, that there is some work that we need to do that Christ has not already done.

That Makes Sense: Expanding Creativity with Empathy

By Heidi Goehmann at Communion Arts

-> Heidi will be leading our upcoming webinar: A Pathway Out of Spiritual Trauma in October! <-

“Feeling and seeing are both the greatest blessing of the creative, as well as our greatest burden. If art was made from noticing alone, we would all be set. But art is made from processing as much as it is from noticing. Sometimes, noticing can drown your soul. Disappointment is as present and powerful as beauty.”

The Big Relief: The Urgency of Grace for a Worn-Out World

A book by David Zahl

-> David will be talking about this book on a podcast episode this fall! <-

David Zahl spotlights grace as the most important, urgent, and radical contribution Christianity has to offer the world. Drawing on the witness of Scripture and a panoply of contemporary examples, he invites us to embrace Christianity as a refuge rather than as a project, a beacon of hope instead of a vehicle of shame, and a harbor of refreshment in a worn-out world. Ultimately, he welcomes everyone to receive the gift of relief we so desperately need.

Soul care for Christians at life's crossroads.