I have a deep seated desire for security and validation. I need to know that I matter and that I belong. I’m scared that I’m actually a waste of space, an imposter who can’t justify his existence.

It’s easy for me to think that a meaningful enough vocation would answer these fears and provide the concrete justification I need. But I’ve found these fears alive and active even as I serve in ministry. I’m grateful for this important work to do, but it doesn’t banish the feeling that each day I gotta prove that I am qualified for this position. Accomplishments provide a taste of validation, but ultimately just reinforce the idea that lasting security is only possible so long as I keep proving myself.

So I end up exhausted and empty-handed in my search for validation via vocation. I desperately need rest and yet rest feels impossible to attain. How can I possibly rest when I haven’t proven myself yet!? I can’t rest until I’ve earned it!

This treadmill of trying to earn my rest and security never takes me anywhere, I only end up increasingly weary, broken down, with an “Out of Order” sign figuratively affixed around my neck. Indeed, I am truly out of order, seeking something from myself that can only be received from God.

Confession re-orders me. I say, “God, you are my God from whom all good things come.” As I repent of my self-reliance, I am freed to rely on God to provide for me. This self-reliance/self-justification is the burden that was exhausting me! And when I let God be God, I find that the security and validation I need are given to me freely! I am a beloved child of God, and that is enough.

Friend, God is God, you are not. He knows you are weary and heavy laden, and in need of rest. You don’t need to earn it, your Heavenly Father desires to give it to you freely.

ps. As always, I'm aware of the "how?" question. How do I let go of my self-reliance and consent to God's love and provision? Check out this guided worksheet on how to practice consenting to God's love.