I shook my head, blew out my breath and prayed, “Ok, Lord. Your turn.” And I immediately laughed out loud. Your turn!?

It’s like I had said, “Just this once, Lord, could you hold the reins? I know it’s my job to make the world go round, but I’d really appreciate an hour off from running the universe.”

I busted up laughing. I had this sudden image of an earnest young soldier, dirty and sweaty at the end of a day of drills and chores, loping up to the general, slapping him on the shoulder and saying, “Ok, buddy. Can you take over running the army for just one sec? I gotta hit the hay.”

Sure, I have hard work to do, but the world doesn’t actually rest on my shoulders. The long-view, the battle strategy, the daily orders come down from higher up. I have a place in the Grand Campaign, but it’s not on the big white horse in front of the troops. It’s in line with my brother and sister soldiers, who are being provided everything we need for this day’s duty. 

Or, without the metaphor: 

I’m not God, but oh boy does God think I’m adorable for thinking I am. Kind of. Actually, grasping for the control that belongs to God and refusing to let go and believe that he loves me is a dangerous sin, fundamental to our fallen nature. 

But when we allow him to take that stubborn foolishness away, our attempts to be The Ruler are pretty cute. Like the footsoldier who just needs a break from running the army. I do not have control over my children’s futures or choices. I do not have control over the economy or the rise and fall of nations. I don’t know when Jesus is coming back to take us all home. And I don’t have to.

Jer. 29:11-14 (CSB) “I know the plans I have for you”—this is the Lord’s declaration—“plans for your well-being, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. You will call to me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart. I will be found by you”—this is the Lord’s declaration—”

Rather than, “Ok, Lord. Your turn.” I tried saying “Oh wow. I’m tired. Thanks for letting me help today.”

I don’t know where the money is going to come from. I don’t know how to restore the broken relationships. But God knows all these things, and he is compelled by deep compassion to coordinate all things in the best way. I don’t know what he’ll do, but I know it will be the most perfect thing. 

Because the God of Heavenly Armies smiled while he ate with tax collectors and sinners like me. Because he drank wine at a wedding with country folks, like me. Because God himself was punished and died for me and rose from death so that I could face him without any shame. I can even stand up in the ranks and proudly bear his banner.

I’m not God. Thank God. And now I’m going to go hit the hay.