Alone, Anxious, but Unashamed
Anxiety starts because I feel ashamed...if I open up to my friends they’ll reject me, so I isolate myself. But I can’t handle life alone.
I was alone. Anxiety spread like tingly tendrils throughout my body, threatening to overwhelm me with a panic attack.
Please no! I prayed silently, I can’t handle this right now, God, please don’t let this happen!
Ironically, trying to distract myself, I started watching the History Channel’s ALONE — a show where contestants try to survive in harsh wildernesses completely alone, no cameramen, no support.
The particular contestant who came on the screen was a tough young woman who had survived the African wilderness for 30-some days. She’d run out of food days and days ago, and no longer had the strength to pull her bowstring. Even when she found game, she couldn’t harvest it. As the scene developed, she came to grips with the inevitable.
And she cried. She openly wept.
“I know this is silly!” she said to the camera, “but if I don’t let it out it will overwhelm me!”
And, God got my attention
For me, anxiety starts because I feel ashamed. I (incorrectly) believe that I have to be alone; that if I open up to my friends they’ll reject me, despise me, toss me away. So I isolate myself. I don’t ask for help, I don’t share my burdens, I just dive deeper into work and tasks and distractions. I try to go it alone.
But I can’t handle life alone. Just like the contestants on ALONE, I can’t do it all forever. Eventually I’ll starve, or fall, or succumb to exhaustion (mentally, emotionally, spiritually). My heart knows this is true, even if my mind tries to deny it.
Anxiety is my heart trying to get my head’s attention: “HEY! We need help!”
And as I sat there watching the tv, God helped the message get through.
So I picked up the phone
I texted three friends. One called me right away, the others made themselves available later in the evening. Each of them listened. They reassured me that they didn’t think I was stupid or weak. They validated my emotions. They perceived that I needed connection, not advice. I needed to not be alone.
And my shame melted away.
Jesus spoke to me through my friends. Jesus was with me through my friends. As Jesus promised: “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them” (Matt 18:20 ESV).
And I wonder if he might be speaking to you too?
We don’t have to go it alone.
I’m convinced that the greatest tool for discipleship and fellowship that the world has ever known is the modern smartphone. For all its problems, it also makes it possible to connect with true friends in seconds.
So, this week I have two very simple encouragements:
Are you feeling alone, anxious, or ashamed? Text a trusted friend this text right now:
- “Hey, you got a minute to talk? I need a friend.”
(If you can’t think of anyone to text, text me: 314-973-7294).
Do you know someone who might be feeling alone? Send them this text right now:
- “Hey! God just brought you to my mind, how are you? You okay?”
If they need to talk, don’t start with advice. First, listen, affirm, and validate. When people were hurting, Jesus didn’t start with a sermon, he came near. There’s a time for advice, for instruction, and even for correction, but it all begins with connection.
Happy National FORWARD TO A FRIEND Day!
Okay, that’s not really a national holiday, but we think it should be! If this email helped you, then forward it to a friend! 😀
It’s a simple way to join us in our mission to heal and deepen people’s relationship with Jesus.
Happy forwarding!
Provisions for the Road
"Changing the Conversation: How to Dance Instead of Fight in Everyday Conversation," by Brandon Booth
Learn how to be a good listener! And how to discern when you should validate and when you should instruct.
Food for Thought
Things the team found interesting this week, no endorsement implied.
Only7Seconds®
Not an article this time, but a website. A good friend of mine is the Executive Director of Only7Seconds and it’s a great nonprofit aimed directly at the problem of teen loneliness. Definitely check them out!
The Daily Choice That Keeps Relationships Alive
By Jason Whiting, Ph.D. at Psychology Today
“Commitment is often experienced as a gradual buildup of actions over time, like spending quality and quantity time with each other, and being loyal. Enduring love requires active protection.”
Anxiety Isn’t Unnatural — or Unfaithful
By Wendy Kiyomi at Christianity Today
Book review of a book I haven’t read. ☺️ But I found the insights in the article interesting and worthy of consideration.
